


It hurts cause I love you

by CourtNicxVoltronxYJ



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Crying Keith (Voltron), Gen, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Keith (Voltron) is a Mess, M/M, Panic Attacks, Team Bonding, Teambuilding, hints of klance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-20
Updated: 2019-01-20
Packaged: 2019-10-13 09:04:26
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,651
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17485220
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CourtNicxVoltronxYJ/pseuds/CourtNicxVoltronxYJ
Summary: The team has to do a bonding moment with their past, Keith's past.





	It hurts cause I love you

The team was about to preform in a trust/memory training. A few of the other paladins already went, like Lance whom showed everyone how it was like growing up in a big family, that it could be wonderful but also crazy and stressful at the same time, or like Hunk, when he was cooking and burnt his hand, how his caring mother took care of him, making them all feel warm and loved.

That morning in the mess hall, Coran announced that it would be Keith's turn today, causing said Red Paladin to freeze up and panic a little. 

They had no control on what they showed to the others and that terrified Keith the most. Just thinking about his past at this second, there was so much he didn't want to show, didn't want them to see. 

Keith closed his eyes and inhaled sharply. His mind racing over everything and all the outcomes that could happen with this training exercise.  
Just then a hand was placed upon Keith's shoulder, causing him to jump slightly with wide eyes. He glanced over at who touched him and was met with a concern face of the Blue Paladin. 

"Keith, you okay?" asked Lance in a hush tone as if he knew that Keith didn't want to draw a lot of attention on him. Keith inhaled sharply and nodded his head 'yes' quickly but he could see shining through Lance's bright blue eyes that he didn't believe him for one second. Lance looked like he was going to push for more but then decided not too, which in a way surprised Keith somewhat. 

He tried to focus on the food goo before him but he just couldn't, his mind was racing too much along with his breathing now. He was heading into a panic attack and he just couldn't sit around everyone else and have one. So, Keith quickly pushed himself up from his seat, earning a few glances from Pidge, Shiro and Lance but none of them said anything. Keith never really stayed around in the mess hall and chatted and ate a lot with them, he was always just in there for a bit and then disappeared off towards the training deck. So both Pidge and Shiro didn't think much about Keith getting up and leaving that morning, but Lance did for he could see and sense that something was a mist about Keith today. A part of him guessed that it had to do with the training exercise that they would be doing today but however it felt like it ran slightly deeper than that.

\----------------------------------------------

Keith raced down the hallway, trying to get to the training deck as fast as possible, but stopped and headed for the hanger when he felt Red's calming presence in his mind.

Keith's breath was coming out fast and short, making him look paler than normal, and his eyes were blown wide as he headed towards Red. Keith didn't hear the foot steps falling behind him, nor did he hear his name being shouted out towards him. He only realized he wasn't alone when someone grabbed his shoulder harshly and turned him around to face them.

"You okay?" Lance asked, a bit worried and slightly out of breath from chasing after Keith. It was a break in his usual demeanor for Lance.  
When Keith didn't answer Lance checked back over his shoulder to see if anyone else was around before pulling Keith off to the side, right next to Red.

"Hey...hey, what's wrong?" Lance asked, worried. He'd seen his fair share of panic attacks from Hunk so he knew what was going on.Keith was trying to take deeper breaths now but they still came out too fast.

"I-I....I...don-" He cut off as a dry sob escaped.

Lance quickly put his hands on Keith's shoulders, trying to ground him in the moment, "Deep breaths, okay? Just breath Keith, let it out. Talk when you want to, it's fine. Take your time, just breath for me," he kept reassuring. But every time that Keith tried to take in a breath, a sob would come back out. Lance knew that Keith was trying not to break in front of him, which made sense. Eventually, his breaths evened out and Lance cupped the back of his neck, "Do you want to talk now?"

Keith shook his head 'no' and shut his eyes tightly as he wobbled where he stood. Lance nodded his head.

"Alright," he said and brought Keith down to the ground, sitting cross legged in front of each other.

Keith looked slightly embarrassed now but there were still flickers of panic in his eyes every few moments. He averted his gaze from Lance, "S-sorry. I didn't mean t-to..." he trailed off. Seeing Keith like this was making Lance's heart ache a bit.

"No, no! It's okay. Just....just tell me what's going on, okay buddy?" said Lance and Keith shook his head again and brought the palms of his hands up to his eyes as he slowly began to silently cry before Lance's eyes.  
Lance's blue eyes widen, he had never seen Keith cry before and each time a sob came out did it attack Lance's heart even more so.

Lance grabbed Keith's hand, silencing him in his sobs for a moment. 

"Keith?" questioned Lance quietly but Keith yanked his hand out of Lance's grip, a flash of hurt crossed his face. Keith shook his head quickly and stood up on shaking legs and rushed off away from Lance. Lance knew that he really couldn't hold that against him, Keith was too upset and the panic attack plus having his walls down was too much for him, Keith was overwhelmed. Yeah Lance wanted to chase after him but he decided against it, hoping that giving Keith some time and space would help him out.

\----------------------------------------------------------------

The day slowly passed by them and it now came time for the training exercise. Keith hadn't seen the others since that morning in the mess room plus Lance in the hanger. So forcing himself into the training deck and seeing the others was a bit difficult for him, but he drew in a deep breath and tried to appear that everything was fine, that he was strong even though he was freaking out on the inside.

Coran motioned for them all to sit down on the floor in a circle. Keith slowly sat down and glanced over at Lance for one moment. He could see the concern from earlier still held tightly within Lance's eyes. Keith sighed and looked away, he had to focus, try at least control what the others might see, but he knew that would be most likely impossible, for he didn't even have any good types of memories, the only ones he knew that were good where the ones that he shared with Shiro when he was growing up after all the things he had been through with his parents and the system.

All the paladins sat down and slowly placed the helmets upon their heads. Before they were turned on, Shiro turned and looked over at Keith, showing concern within his eyes as well.

"Keith, it'll be alright. Just relax'' said Shiro and Keith simply nodded his head then looked over at Lance for a second before shutting his eyes. As soon as his eyes were closed, all the helmets were then activated.  
\-----------------------------------------------

At first they couldn't see anything, it was so dark. 

Then it slightly became more lighter but it was very blurry. Keith could hear Shiro's voice but it sounded distant. He could hear Shiro telling him to relax and focus. 

Just then the words that Keith has been telling himself came over his mind, flowing over everyone.

"Patience yields focus"

Just those words allowed everything to come into focus, revealing a moment of Keith's past to them all. 

Keith inhaled sharply as he remembered this moment.

He was four years old, sitting in his bedroom at night. He slowly turned on the lamp in his room and walked over towards the table in the corner.

"I got it'' whispered Keith with a smile on his face. He walked over towards the end of his bed and grabbed a stuff hippo. Keith smiled down at his hippo and planted a small kiss on top of it's head. He then sat down on the floor and held his hippo lovely in his lap.

He sat down a small button on the floor and grabbed the needle and thread. 

"I-I...I know that it's different but I'm gonna help you okay?" said Keith as he picked up the button and laid it in the spot where the missing button once was. He began to sow it messily but he smiled down at his work. He was so happy to be helping and fixing his favorite toy, his only friend.

"Hold still'' voiced Keith as he began finishing up his work on the button.

"I'm hurting you because I love you'' said Keith and finished up and sat the needle down on the floor. "That's what mama always tells me, that she hurts me 'cause she loves me. I'm here special little boy'' said Keith who then brought his hippo towards his chest and gave him a huge hug. Keith let a small giggle slip past his lips when just then his bedroom door flew open and the whole atmosphere changed in an instant. Keith was no longer happy but now worried and scared.

A figure came into the room with a very unpleasant look upon her face.

"KEITH! What! The! Hell! Are! You! Doing! Up!" she yelled and Keith folded in on himself.

"I-I...I'm s-sorry mama" whispered Keith and slowly glanced up at his mother. He could see her shaking her head at him, clearly upset with him. Her eyes then drifted towards the floor where the needle and thread laid. Her eyes widen slightly and she reached down and grabbed them up.

"Are these mine?!?!" she yelled the question even though she knew the answer was clear as day. Keith nodded his head slightly and toss the needle and thread onto the floor and slapped Keith across the face. Keith fell backwards onto the floor and looked up at his mother. One of his hands went to his check while the other held tightly onto his hippo. She saw this and smiled wickedly at him. She snatched his hippo from his grasp and Keith cried out, hands outstretched for his only friend.

"Mama please" cried out Keith as more tears came into his violet eyes. 

"You stupid boy!" she yelled and ripped the hippo's head off its body. 

The paladins could feel Keith's heart breaking as if it was their own heart. 

His mother tossed the hippo to the floor and slapped Keith across the face again, causing more tears to spill down his injured face.

"There is no kindness, there are no good guys within this world boy! Now clean this mess up and grow the hell up!'' she yelled and kicked him in the face before storming out of his bedroom. As the door slammed shut, Keith jumped and began to shake. He slowly crawled over towards his hippo and picked it up gently.

"I-I..I'm...s-so sorry! Th-this is all my fault! I'd t-tried to help you and I ended up hurting you! I'm sorry!'' cried Keith as he cradle his only friend in his arms.

"SHUT UP KEITH!!" yelled his mother and Keith froze and shook even more as fear washed over him even more.

"I'm sorry'' whispered Keith as he curled up on his bedroom floor and cried himself to sleep.

A feeling of closing one self off washed over all the paladins, and felt all of Keith's trust and hope shattered.

\-------------------------------------------------------

Everyone's eyes shot open wide and they all glanced over towards Keith who had tears coming down his face, visibly shaking.  
He quickly tossed off his helmet and got up quickly and fled the room, ignoring his name being shouted at him.

Lance cursed as he ran after him. He chased Keith to Red's hanger. 

"Keith?" called out Lance and watched as Keith froze where he was at but didn't turn around. Lance could see Keith's shoulders slightly shaking as he cried.

"Hey-" began Lance but Keith cut him off.

"I don't want to talk... bout it... God, I just- why... I-I-I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm s-sorry," Keith had never looked so small as Lance crouched in front of him, a hand on his shoulder.

"You have nothing to be sorry for," Lance kept telling him as he slowly moved closer towards Keith. He slowly placed his hand upon Keith's shoulder and as soon as he touched him, Keith looked up and buried his head within Lance's chest. Lance's eyes widen but then he soon relaxed and brought his arms around Keith's shaking form.

The only sounds in the Red's hanger were hiccups and shaky sobs from Keith and Lance hushing him. His hand had moved up towards Keith's head and allowed his finger to run through his hair and he could feel Keith slowly calm down within his arms.

\-----------------------------------------------------------------------

Three weeks later at the space mall, Lance came across a stuff animal that looked similar to Keith's hippo when he was a child and he just couldn't resist getting it for Keith.

Lance wore a bubbly smile as he skipped down the hallway towards Keith's bedroom. 

Ever since the training exercise, Keith kept his distance even more so away from all of them, all of them but Lance who sometimes was allowed inside Keith's room to be there to help him, whether is was from a panic attack or a nightmare or just that Keith didn't want to be all alone with his thoughts.

Lance held the stuff hippo behind his back and quickly knocked upon Keith's bedroom door. After waiting a moment, the door swooshed open to reveal a sleepy Keith. His hair was a mess and he had dark bags under his eyes and he looked even paler which Lance didn't think was possible.

"Yeah?" asked Keith and Lance just smiled even bigger.

"I was at the space mall with Coran and I found you something'' said Lance with so much chipper in his voice.

"Lance, if it's some weird type of space slim again, I really don't-" said Keith but he stopped talking when Lance thrusted the stuff animal out towards Keith. 

His violet eyes widen and he then glanced up at Lance with a brightness in his eyes that Lance hasn't seen since that memory of Keith as a child. Lance giggled a little bit and shook the stuff hippo out towards him.

"Take it! It isn't going to bite'' said Lance and slowly Keith reached out and took the stuff animal in his arms. 

"Yeah, that's what I thought about the slim'' Keith muttered but Lance heard him. He gave Keith a small pat on his shoulder before turning around and began to walk off. Before he was too far away he hear Keith speak quietly behind him.

''Th-Thanks Lance'' said Keith and Lance turned around quickly to see a small bit of blush on his checks, causing his own face to heat up and blush. Lance nodded his head and headed down the hallway. 

Keith re-entered his bedroom and slowly climbed into his bed and laid down on his side with his new stuff hippo from Lance laying beside him. His eyes slowly grew heavy as they began to shut. Keith reached over and pulled the hippo into his chest and let a small smile ghost across his face as he drifted off to sleep, a peaceful sleep.

That night he had no nightmares, because he felt warm, safe and cared for and possibly loved as well.


End file.
